And you thought you had it bad!

Alister Darling went up to the banks and gave the "I scratch your back and now it's time for you to scratch mine" speech.

Instead of bending over, the banks have decided that the £50 billion is not going to get them ease the higher mortgage rates that many homeowners are facing.

Being rational businesses, the banks decided that these money should be used to pay for meeting lunches and CEOs salary packages instead. Well, with all that cash, the bank shareholders can now scoop up all the properties that many homeowners are now defaulting. Cruel? Nay, it's just another day's of work for them.

Across the Atlantic, the defaulting homeowners have another thing on their mind; they'll be choosing either a woman who is unleashing the charm of her man, a black man who has decided to focus on the weaknesses of his opponent or a tired white man who's still harping about his past glories.

Whoever emerged the winner will decide on whether to cross the 37th parallel and kick Kim in the groin or nuke Iran's... well, nukes.

And you think you had it bad!